Kalonzo slapped by Lucifer

Unconfirmed reports circulating in the city indicate that traitor-in-chief and bandit veep Kalonzo Musyoka was slapped by Lucifer. It is said that in her usual fits of anger Serial Slapper Lucifer could not understand why the whole world is still yelling that bandit president Kibaki stole the vote even after Kalooser burnt money in his recent trip abroad. Lucifer can't understand why iron lady Karua should be doing more spade work for the besieged bandit regime while Kalooser simply rocks in his seat. What does this mean for the embattled president?

Having survived several serial slapping entertainments including a threat to former dictator Moi and a junior civil servant Musyimi who has since been demoted, Lucy is yet to deliver a he-goat to the Nchuri Ncheke to appease them for slapping Gitobu Imanyara.

The mad bandit first lady is embarrassing the country while one of her potential slapping victims and US Secretary of State Condi Rice is set to arrive in Nairobi to give the stalled Annan talks some impetus. The world's superpowers are impatient that the bandit government is not ceding enough ground to the cheated winner, ODM's peoples' president Raila Odinga.

After moving to a secret location in Kilaguni for the last 48 hours, Annan was reported to have made little progress. Included in the deal is a new constitution to be written in one year. However, the most contentious issue of transitional power-sharing was stone-walled by Martha Karua of PNU. The talks resume on Monday. Annan is to hold a press conferrence today at the Serena Hotel at 5pm during which he is expected to make public the contents of an agreement that was signed by the parties in the dispute.