Where is the first lady?

Parliament was officially opened by Mr Kibaki on Thursdays to usher in a very optimistic moment in Kenya reminiscent of the 2002 swearing in of the third president of the republic on a wheel chair. This optimism was captured in various pictorial displays, including Prime Minister Raila Odinga strolling into the chamber with bandit veep Kalonzo Musyoka, aka Judas Iscariot.

No one may have imagined this trouping of the politicians to the August House after the acrimonious first session during which the MPs-elect were sworn in a very entertaining and tense environment. The beginning of the second session of the 10th parliament.

The exuberance of the befitting occasion was denied the usual drama surrounding the choleric first lady who is reportedly tethered to her Muthaiga home after a series of embarrassing slapping episodes. Serial slapper Lucy has quite a collection in her gallery of victims, ranging from haranguing former veep the likeable Moody Awori to slapping a senior civil servant at the hallowed lawns of State House during a state function. Her latest victims include retired Mzee Moi and bandit veep Kalonzo who are reported to have avoided the slap but were left thoroughly embarrassed by the drama.

Mrs Kibaki, it will be recalled assaulted Mr Gitobu Imanyara whose Nchuri Ncheke elders have since sent out word for a he-goat. We reported right here earlier that Lucy had shot her son, Jimmy, following disagreements over whether bandit Kibaki should hand over power to ODM or not. Lucy saw Jimmy as a weakling whose knees were too weak to protect the family. Of course Jimmy was hospitalized, during which time he put on excessive weight.

What caught the observers of the state opening of parliament was the loud absence of a first lady that Kenyans have grown to hate and love with equal measure for her dress code (if she has any), hair wigs and steady gait beside Mr Kibaki in all state functions.

At the state opening of Parliament, it was her daughter Judy who sat close, but not next, to the Prime Lady Ida Odinga. Where was Lucy? Town is rife with rumors of her whereabouts including her open disdain for the non-Gema and obvious unease with the way her husband ceded power to Prime Minister Raila Odinga.

Insiders report that the recent rise in activity by bandit Kibaki at his Harambee House offices is tied to an attempt to deflect attention from his schizophrenic wife. Mrs Kibaki, a humble primary school teacher who rose with her husbands stature has four children with Mr Kibaki. Mr Kibaki has another daughter by his second wife, Wamboi. Ms Mwai is dating one of the obnoxious Armenian brothers who ran amock in Nairobi in the recent past including causing a breach of security protocol at JKIA. The notorious drug dealers later revealed sensationally that they were hired to bring down some targeted politicians. Kenyans will remember that bandit veep Kalonzo had rushed to a photo session with the criminal brothers at the Grand Regency Hotel.

On a serious note, were Lucy to have attended that state function, we cannot fail to speculate the likelihood of her stretching her hand to 'greet' the Prime Lady Ida with a spank.

On a day like this when the world remembers women, on the international women's day, we cannot fail to ask two questions: One, where is Lucy Muthoni Kibaki? The second question is, what do we call Mrs Ida Odinga whose posture and clout is certain to eclipse the sadistic Lucy? We propose that the Prime Minister's wife be called the 'Prime Lady' to distinguish her from the bandit lady Lucy.

Wherever you are Lucy, happy women's day to you mama Jimmy. Na usiendelee na hiyo tabia mbaya ya kuwachapa wanaume kamwe.